How I Became a Stay at Home Mom
The journey of how I became a stay at home mom is full of turns in the road I never expected.
But it’s the unexpected things in life that are the best and worst, and often determine the direction of our journey.
I should tell you I don’t think God makes mistakes, but there are times I wonder, “What is He thinking?”
My belief that, “All things work together for good…,” is the glue to my faith when life shakes you to your core.
I’ll start the story when my first child, Carly, was 9 months old.
It was late August, and I was looking forward to starting a substitute teaching position in our school district.
Carly was registered at a local church daycare, but I hated the idea that I wouldn’t get to be with her all day.
Our income didn’t allow me to be a stay at home mom to Carly and to my two sweet step kids.
A little interjection is needed here.
My sweet neighbors (an elderly couple) became very close to our family over the time we lived next door to each other.
The wife had a seizure disorder and was afraid to shower without someone at home, or drive herself to the market for fear she might have a seizure.
I didn’t blame her a bit.
She would call to see if I could come next door for a few minutes while she took a shower, which of course I never minded to do.
It was a huge help to her and a blessing for me to give her peace of mind.
Two weeks before the school semester started, I put Carly down for her morning nap, and got some chores done around the house.
Over the baby monitor, I heard Carly waking up from her nap and went to get her out of her crib.
But something wasn’t right.
Carly was limp as a wet noodle, and wasn’t coherent when I picked her up.
All I could think of was to call next door to my neighbor for help.
When she got there, she said I needed to take Carly to the emergency room, and called my husband to meet me at the hospital.
I put Carly in her car seat and drove like crazy to the hospital, never thinking I probably should have called an ambulance.
It was a 10-minute drive, half of which I was looking in the rear view mirror wondering what was happening?
“Was she going to die?”
The Doctors told us she had had a seizure.
She was admitted and given medication that made her as wobbly as a drunk sailor.
But she still had her sweet smile!
I asked a million questions as to why all of a sudden this happened to a healthy little baby?
Was it triggered by a reaction to vaccines, or maybe to new foods she was recently introduced to?
I’m a solutions oriented person, so I thought if I could find the trigger, I could find the cure.
No one gave me anything to go on.
The doctors labeled her seizures, “idiopathic,” meaning they have no rhyme or reason.
That was no help, and I had a new mission… to find a remedy for Carly.
So, now what do I do?
I have an infant with a seizure disorder, and I’m supposed to start teaching in a couple of weeks?
The decision to stay home was made for me.
I couldn’t expect the daycare staff to take care of Carly like I would, and I surely wouldn’t be very effective at work worrying if she was seizing and someone not attending to her.
And we had no idea how often she’d have “episodes,” as my neighbor used to call them.
Now you can see how instrumental God was in arranging our neighbors to live next door to us.
And how it made sense for my to become a stay-at-home-mom.
Talk about a game-changer!
Not only was I now going to be a stay at home mom, but also a mom to a baby with a seizure disorder.
I didn’t know any other moms in this situation, so I was venturing into unchartered waters alone.
Our financial situation was of huge concern… but God had that all pre-arranged.
Within two months of this life changing pivot, my husband had an opportunity to work weekends for a friend’s company, in addition to his job during the week.
Soon was making more money at the weekend job than his regular job.
He transitioned into the weekend job full time, and now he earned as much as both of us would have combined.
So, there’s another unexpected game-changer that set us on another trajectory.
A year later, our first son was born, adding baby number two.
He loved his big sister, and those two had so much fun together.
Life was very full, and getting fuller.
Two years later, our next son arrived, and he rounded out the bunch nicely, with his very sweet nature.
Carly attended a pre-school geared for kids with special needs… and found her calling!
A little boy in her class, who wore a helmet because he had frequent seizures, became her focus.
When he would start seizing, everyone stepped away, but Carly would bend down next to him and rub his back until he stopped.
Talk about a gift… she had the biggest heart and showered everyone with her unconditional love.
We quickly outgrew our townhome and put it up for sale.
After a tearful goodbye to our special neighbors, we moved to a bigger house that fit our growing family.
This was a big change, and again, our journey pivoted again.
Carly continued to have “episodes,” and we played the game of “musical medicines,” hoping to find the magical one that would help stop the seizures.
Meanwhile, she learned to ride a bike, swim like a mermaid, and play with the new neighborhood kids.
She took the “small bus” to school, and loved it.
She said she wanted to be a bus driver when she grew up. 🙂
Each morning, when Carly arrived at school, she’d head to the school office, to greet the ladies behind the counter.
They’d comment on the big bow in her hair, and the dress she wore that day.
Then she’d run to the playground to find the custodian, to give him a big hug, too.
A year after moving to the new house, baby number four arrived.
What a happy-spirited baby he was, and Carly loved holding him!
And guess what?
A year and a half later, baby number 5 arrived, with his easy going nature.
And I was done at five plus two!
They say you know it when you’re done, and I knew it!
Or, so I thought.
So when our friends adopted a little baby boy from Russia, my head started to whirl.
“What if we adopted a little girl to round out our tribe, and give her a home with lots of love and a big family to call her own?”
And so we jumped into the world of international adoption.
Meanwhile, Carly kept on loving everyone she met and gave hugs out like sunshine!
One day, while shopping in Target, we saw a man on crutches who only had one leg.
Carly went over to him and asked what happened to his leg.
He answered, “I was in an accident,” and so she hugged him and told him he was going to be okay.
Another time… a lady in a wheel chair was next to us in the market, and Carly went over and hugged her like it was her own grandma.
Carly loved parties and loved her friends, so I thought it would be fun to plan a tea party to celebrate friendship.
All her friends dressed up and each brought a present for a gift exchange.
They ate little cakes, drank sweet tea, and played games all afternoon.
The next weekend, Carly stood next to one of our family friends at church while we were singing during the Sunday morning service.
As I watched her silhouette in front of me, I wondered what this 13-year old would be like when she was all grown up?
I wondered what her job would be, who her friends would be, and where she would live.
The answers to those questions would surely determine our journey’s course, too.
The next morning, was Monday, and the alarm went off at 7:00 am, just like always.
I walked down the hall to make sure all the kids were up and getting ready for school.
The boys were awake, but Carly wasn’t up and buzzing around like usual.
I thought, “She must still be sleeping because she’s tired from last night’s episode,” as she had had a seizure at 1:00 am.
As I stood in the doorway of her room, I knew something wasn’t right.
I can’t tell you exactly what happened next, but I remember turning Carly over, and realizing she wasn’t breathing.
Our 11 year-old came running, and I told him to call our neighbor, who was a nurse.
I started CPR and blew air into her mouth, but the air wouldn’t go in.
Praying and crying for God to make her breathe again… I was sure we could save her.
“How could this be happening,” I kept saying over and over.
Then I heard sirens, and the paramedics arrived, along with one of our family friends, who was a police officer.
I remember waiting downstairs while the coroner came to take her body to the mortuary.
That was the most surreal scene I’ve ever experienced.
Neighbors came in and out of the house for days.
Friends helped with meals… and loved on our hurting family.
I remember the horrible task of planning a memorial service for Carly.
“Really… this is really happening?”
An archway of pink balloons filled the sanctuary, and in we walked to sit with over 800 friends and family to celebrate the life of this special little girl.
During the service, the pastor asked for everyone who ever had a hug from Carly to raise their hand, and almost every hand went up.
I shared a few words of gratitude for the kindness everyone gave to Carly throughout her life.
And here it was again, another pivot in our journey.
Now the big question was, “What do we do with the adoption process we were still in?”
Do we keep going, or just stick with the four healthy and happy boys, plus two step kids, we have right now?
You can probably guess… we kept moving forward.
A year after Carly died, we added the first of our two adopted girls, and three years later, we added another.
Their stories are for another day, but now our quiver was full for sure.
Carly’s life continues to influence our family, friends, and the many people she touched along her short journey here.
She impressed on us the need to love others like God loves us, and always look for ways to help each other.
She is the reason I’m a stay at home mom.
I’m eternally thankful for getting to be a stay at home mom for all 9 kids! xoxo
